I Stay In Love
by aquaxeyes
Summary: Sequel to “Tears Under My Pillow”. Five years have passed, and Usagi and Mamoru are getting on with their lives. What happens when they meet again?
1. prologue

**Title:** I Stay In Love  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating: **T for language  
**Full Description:** Sequel to "Tears Under My Pillow". Five years have passed, and Usagi and Mamoru are getting on with their lives. What happens when they meet again?

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**Author's Notes: **First off, I'm going to thank those who reviewed the last chapter of Tears Under My Pillow; Lightning Rose, Konixu, PrincesaKarlita411, v1cky84, Mistoflees, inspire16, Kana07, Macala Armstrong, lilcatfish96, Anonymous, 'Aery, Krissipooh, midnight blue08, ironchefslady, rosebudjamie, Spriteofice, TrueWinolo, Eva C, lolly25081989, SkylerKnight, fleaz, ReadBetweenMyLines, Serenity Komoshiro, skye668, silvermoon8573, RoyalLovers1418, Sailor-Nekawaii, Heraldo, serenity11287, ally0212, kittyqueen2, sarahr85, kyil, Jingy5, neo dreamer, MoonPrincess568, Sweet Rainfall, diamondstar1808, anon, tonieboo0013, : (, AngelOfArtemis, Edward4ever1992, jean, DisconnectSelfDestruct, hit60, BelleWeasley, lightgazer888, melis, Drianax, Diamond Tear Drops, anon, Lucyy, sailormoon-is-eternal, SmTwilight, Domyouji Love, Miss Dace, homicidalglare, kbpluto, SailorVengeance19, Supalady05, tzusuko, Glazya Yuy, Aashka, lunadea21, Poeta, Temari's Angel, PhantasyDreamer, ellyko, TrueDestiny, rainbabie, Cherrysinger, gurlegurl, PD, svgurl410, kireisnowtenshi, Fire Dolphin, Lily, Lady Razeli, PriestessHelene, SailorMoonForever, e.m.c, impersonal, Lady Golden Flower, Ladolcemorte, .xCuriousx., Cathy Daine, brnn, Mercedes Jay, a.k.a ettie, Inuki, blackacess, Incomplete Melody, fanny, venusgoddess, moonkisser, Usagi, ladonna, nightimedew, SammieAtHome, usa, and crazy. twilight. love -- your reviews were fun to read and respond to!

In addition I want to thank **all** the readers and reviewers who made that fic such a hit, as well as those who added it in their C2 communities.

Special thanks to my new beta reader Rithien, who I have driven crazy with my multiple e-mails and plot theories.

I know this first bit is small (..understatement), but I just wanted to post it to let everyone know that yes, I have read your reviews and messages, and yes, I have been working on a sequel. I wanted to wait a little longer to start posting, but I figured I should at least give you something to read while I work. Plus, I kind of want to know if I should continue working this at all.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the story.

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"Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end." –_Unknown_

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**Prologue.**

* * *

The phone rang. He didn't want to answer, but it could've been a patient. "Hello?"

"Mamoru."

His jaw clenched as he recognized the voice on the other line. "Reika," he said through his teeth.

"I know it's been a while--"

"Five years," he interrupted. "What do you want?"

There was a pause on the other line. "This is going to sound pretty strange but.. Emi, my daughter.. She's turning five in three weeks."

Mamoru stilled. Emi. Her daughter. Hers and Motoki's. "Congratulations. And?"

"I'm calling because I wanted to know if you would like to come to her birthday party. I'm sending the invitations out right now and--"

"Is this a joke?" he asked incredulously.

A longer pause. "I hope you don't think that after all this time, after all that I've been through, I'm calling just to play a prank on you."

"Okay, okay," he said, her guilt trip wearing him down without much effort. "Sorry. You don't exactly bring back fond memories."

"Likewise," she said without hesitating, "but I think it's high time for us to get past that. Look, I'm really trying to make an effort here. I've already discussed things with Motoki.. Right now, I just need to know if you want me to send you an invitation."

He raised his brow in disbelief. "Motoki's okay with this?"

"Yes or no, Mamoru?" Reika asked impatiently.

* * *

**End Prologue.**

* * *

( Intriguing? )


	2. part one

**Title:** I Stay In Love  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating: **T for language  
**Full Description:** Sequel to "Tears Under My Pillow". Five years have passed, and Usagi and Mamoru are getting on with their lives. What happens when they meet again?

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Thank you svgurl410, midnight blue08, Heraldo, serenity11287, kireisnowtenshi, Eva C, Armani, happy-autumn, diamondstar1808, Lady Razeli, Jingy5, Bunny16, Anita Bonghit, alisa, Leni, rosebudjamie, SerentiyMoonGodness, Chichiforever, neo dreamer, Unwritten Dreams, Sakura, my super-cool beta reader Rithien, and rainbabie for leaving me some feedback! Much love.

For those of you who are new to this fic, I really hope you take the time to read Tears Under My Pillow first. It's not absolutely necessary in order to get what's going on; reading the prequel will help you understand what each character has been through, not to mention give you some background on original characters.

For those of you who aren't, I love that you are still interested in this storyline, but I have to ask that you do not expect too much. I wrote Tears as an aside project, one I didn't think I would finish or be any good. And although it would be nice if you liked it, I'm going to stay true to myself and write for the passion of it, not to please or displease anyone. That being said, I don't want you to feel let down if this story falls short of your expectations.

Special thanks to my new beta reader Rithien, who I drive crazy with my multiple e-mails and plot theories.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the story.

* * *

"Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end." –_Unknown_

* * *

**Part One. Third Party.**

* * *

The driveway was packed with cars and the streets were covered five houses down either way, so he parked at the sixth house down and sat there, trying not to panic.

_'I'm not going there for Motoki or Reika. I'm going to wish that little girl a happy birthday and then I'll get the hell out of there.'_ The plan seemed so easy, but the minutes ticked by and he was still sitting in his car. Trying to calm himself, he began a sort of mantra. _'I can do this. I can. This isn't that bad.'_

Mamoru took a deep breath. Still holding it, he grabbed the present that took twenty minutes to wrap from the passenger's seat, opened his door, and got out of the car.

The neighborhood was all too familiar to him. After all, he used to belong in a community almost identical to this one. Families composed of loving couples and two-point-five kids, loyal pets, pretty houses and spiffy cars. This kind of neighborhood always had street lights on after seven. He looked across the indistinct lawns, each with its grass mowed and trimmed to perfection. It was weird to think he could actually recognize a house here considering where he was living now.

For a second he wondered if the house belonged to Motoki or Reika, but since the invitation he received was sent from this house under Reika's name, he could only assume Motoki decided to move out._ 'Like it's supposed to matter to me.'_ He shrugged, following the sound of children playing, screaming and laughing from the back of the house.

Just as he passed the gate to the backyard, a three-foot wall slammed into him. He grunted, trying to catch the wall and balance himself as well as his present. Surprisingly, he was able to do so. The wall backed up, revealing itself to be a little girl with wavy blonde hair.

"I'm sorry," she said in a timid, high-pitched voice. "I didn't see you there."

He shook his head. "That's okay. I didn't see you, either."

The girl glanced at the present, wrapped in cream paper and yellow ribbon. "Is that for me?"

Mamoru's brow furrowed. "Are you Furuhata Emi-chan?"

"That's me!" she piped, smiling in a way that tugged at his heart.

Honestly, he was expecting her to say no, even though she practically gave away who she was just by asking if she was the recipient of his gift. It was just that he couldn't grasp that she was Motoki and Reika's child--scratch that. He _could_ believe she was Motoki's. Strawberry blonde and bright blue eyes, with Motoki's high cheekbones and timidly curved mouth, she definitely took after her father; there was hardly any trace of Reika in her. _'I guess that's a good thing.'_ "Then yes," he answered. "This is definitely for you."

She let out a squeal of pure joy. "Will you play with me?"

Mamoru cleared his throat. He was approximately seven times her age and she wanted him to run around the backyard with her and her friends. "Sure. Let me just set this down somewhere."

"Okay. Everyone will be in the teahouse," she said, indicating the bright pink plastic structure at the opposite corner of the backyard.

"I'll see you there," he said, watching as she bolted toward the teahouse. Mamoru stood there for a few good minutes, trying to process what just happened. Motoki and Reika's daughter had greeted him with such childlike innocence and warmth.. It made everything else feel so cold.

"Mamoru-san?"

Mamoru whipped around and saw Rei standing near the deck, holding a bundle of blankets.

Nothing had prepared him to see her there. Her hair was long and as dark as his, her well-formed body clad in a white sundress typical of her to wear. Her eyes were still as sharp as he remembered, scanning him up and down with equal surprise. Uncertainly, he made his way over to her. "Rei-san," he said, giving her a half-smile.

The blankets in her arm moved. After hearing small noises coming from them, Mamoru saw that Rei was actually holding a baby. It didn't hit him until she announced, "This is Jomei, my little boy." He nodded, not sure he had the composure to do anything else.

He didn't have a lot of experience with babies, but the child was so small, it couldn't have been older than three months. And it was Rei's baby,_ her son_. Mamoru remembered a time when she was a tough-as-nails attorney, expression hawk-like whenever she addressed him, but now, she radiated with a becoming, maternal glow. How she could commit to something so.. uncharacteristic of her as motherhood, he couldn't fathom.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, knocking him out of his shock.

Slowly, he shrugged, holding his gift up like a peace offering. "I honestly don't know," he answered with his half-smile. "Reika randomly called me two weeks or so ago and invited me to this party--" He stopped midsentence and gave her a strange, confused look. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you two were friends--"

"Oh, absolutely not," Rei interjected, surprising him yet again. "I loathe the woman, but I've become good friends with Motoki-chan through Usagi.."

Mamoru caught himself before he could visibly flinch in front of Rei. She hadn't meant to, but she'd just named off the two people that meant the world to him. Only he meant nothing to them. _'What the hell was I thinking? Of course Motoki could invite his own guests--it's his daughter's damn birthday party! And if Rei's here.. Usagi's bound to be..'_ Mamoru felt like his heart had dropped into his stomach. _'Oh. God.'_

Rei watched as Mamoru's face became pinched and completely bloodless. The next second it was replaced by that generic, forced smile of his.

"You know, I'm just going to drop this off and go. Parties aren't exactly.. you know," he finished lamely. He took a breath, wondering if maybe he should mention Usagi, maybe ask Rei how she was doing, but decided against it. There was no use asking about a woman who wanted to erase him from her life. He'd just embarrass himself. "It was good seeing you."

"Yeah," she replied, "it was nice to see you, too."

Mamoru turned and paused. She could tell he was scanning where the nearest present pile was so he could leave as quickly as possible, but he hadn't moved an inch. The only reason she could come up with to explain his hesitance was that there were so many people filling the backyard, one of whom could've been Usagi. Hence the frozen, helpless look on his face. Heaven forbid he'd actually run into her.

Rei rolled her eyes. "Mount Present is inside. Kitchen."

He cast her a grateful glance. "Thanks."

It wasn't until he was inside that Yuuichirou returned with her juice. He motioned at Mamoru. "Was that..?"

"Oh, yeah," Rei answered, a big fat smile on her face.

Yuuichirou gave her a reprimanding look. "You just sent him straight to Usagi-chan, didn't you?"

She gave him a look that was wholly her own. "Oh, _yeah_."

* * *

Mamoru felt like an intruder stepping into the house but bit down on his tongue. _'Just make it past the living room, to the kitchen, and everything will be fine.'_ He couldn't help but remember the last time he'd been there, in his ex-best friend's home. Reika was trying to leave, he was trying to convince her not to, and Motoki showed up, slamming his fist into his face. He winced, remembering not only the sting of the blow but the rejection. The loss. He stepped aside as a few kids scuttled past, waiting impatiently albeit silently. The hallway cleared. He made it to five steps before another load of screaming kids appeared out of nowhere. He sifted through the three-foot maze, eyes constantly scanning to see if he was going to step on someone. _'Come on, Chiba, so close..'_

If he hadn't been so busy dodging children and thinking despairingly to himself he would've at least heard their voices. But as soon as he pushed through the door and recognized both blondes, he knew it was too late. They'd already stopped talking and turned to see him standing there.

Motoki looked good, a little bulkier than the last time he'd seen him. Guess he must've started going to the gym post-friendship breakup. But seriously, pleated khakis and a green polo? He dressed like a father, something they used to joke about when they were still friends. No gray hair, though, and Mamoru thought it was a positive sign that he had smile wrinkles working around his eyes.

As for Usagi.. She'd always looked good to him. She hadn't physically changed, same lean body underneath a light pink sundress, with the same long and golden hair and intense blue eyes, but he could tell with that first glance that she was different. Lived a fulfilling five years in his absence and could've gone on without ever having to be reminded that he still existed. She was happy. Of that, he was certain, and it broke his heart.

"Usagi."

Usagi was reeling as she looked up at him, baby blue eyes clashing with midnight ones. It took her a moment to register who he was. It wasn't because she didn't recognize him--she'd always have that ability to recognize him from a mile away--but she couldn't believe that a sight so familiar, with a voice so familiar, called her Usagi instead of Usako. Hearing that come from Mamoru was.. unusual.

She opened her mouth to say something, but found herself stuck. What was she supposed to call him? Mamoru-san was something she used to bait him with. Mamo-chan was too.. close. She couldn't think of a way to properly address a man who had been so many things to her.

It was when she was giving him another onceover that she realized that for all his being familiar he looked quite different. He was wearing an oversized black t-shirt and jeans. Jeans! She couldn't recall the last time she'd seen him dressed so casually. And were those black Converse's on his feet?

The blood was rushing out of Mamoru's face so fast he could practically hear his heart pounding. He hadn't meant to say her name aloud, but there it was, floating in the air between the three of them. She hadn't budged, perched on an island counter stool. He followed her arm with his eyes, skimming to her hand where her wedding ring used to be, only to see it resting on top of Motoki's. And as his eyes crept up to his ex-best friend's face, he realized Motoki--aside from still being shocked--wasn't exactly pleased to see him. _'Reika lied. Who would've guessed?'_ "Oh," he said plainly.

Silence.

_'Snap out of it, Chiba!'_ Clearing his throat a little, he gave his practiced smile, hoping his inside turmoil wasn't turning it into a grimace. "I just wanted to.." He couldn't finish his train of thought. His mouth had turned dry within the span of five seconds. So he held his present up yet again in the hopes that Motoki wouldn't take it from him and chuck it in the garbage in front of him. He searched for that mountain Rei'd mentioned and then.. _'Rei lied. I should've guessed that.'_

Usagi's eyes left his sheepish smile to the present in his hand. He came bearing gifts? She shook her head, not understanding. As far as she knew, Motoki hadn't tried to contact Mamoru for the past five years. And from the way Motoki's hand flinched under hers she knew he wasn't expecting Mamoru to come within a two-mile radius of him now. She had to give Mamoru credit, though, for handling the situation well thus far.

Mamoru tried to fight the urge to vomit. Why did he always get himself into those kinds of situations? Motoki clearly still hated him. He could bet the man was trying his damndest not to start swinging at him. And Usagi, well, Mamoru was resigned to the fact that she would never forgive him. It took him a year and a half after their divorce to accept it, and three and a half more years for him to keep pounding into his brain that he deserved it. He supposed, in a way, that he deserved this awkward situation, too, Motoki glaring imaginary holes through his body and Usagi staring, just staring.. Not wanting to provoke them more with his presence, he started to back up to the door.

Usagi saw Mamoru starting to retreat and called out, "Mamoru."

He stopped, but didn't respond.

Usagi gave him the nicest smile she could muster at the moment and got off the stool, walking toward him. She didn't miss how he instinctively shuffled backward when he'd decided she'd come too close. It was weird. Like he was scared of her. Or maybe just close proximity with her.

She opened her hand to him. His eyes widened at the gesture. Nonetheless he set the present in her hand, careful, she noticed, not to touch her in the process. "Thank you," she said warmly, "Emi will love it."

He nodded simply and mechanically turned, leaving through the kitchen door.

Rei passed him on his way out. She turned back to a deep-sighing Usagi, brow arched. "That bad, huh?"

"You knew he was here?" Usagi exploded.

"I saw him outside. A certain cow tracked him down, called him up and invited him here, leading him to think.." Rei trailed, pointedly looking at Motoki.

"That we'd extended an olive branch," Motoki finished.

"Seeing as how he left looking like he'd seen a ghost," Rei said in a voice that sounded like she was scolding them both, "I'm sure that's the last thing that happened."

"He took us by surprise, Rei-chan," Usagi argued. "None of us have seen him in five years, and he just randomly showed up out of nowhere."

"So you didn't know he was coming?" Rei asked Motoki.

"Does it look like I knew?" he bit back.

Rei shrugged, waiting for him to say something else.

"I don't know why he would've taken Reika's word about coming here," he finally managed to spit out. His tone implied that he doubted that was the first time Reika and Mamoru had talked since that night five years ago.

Surprisingly, Rei was the one to come to his defense. "Because he's different," she said, looking from blonde to blonde. "He's naïve." Taking people at their face value.

"Or maybe he's plain stupid," Motoki added.

"Motoki-chan!" Usagi exclaimed.

"What?" he asked, shrugging his shoulders. "He must've been stupid to think he had to bring _that_ to me like it would magically fix everything."

Usagi looked down at the present in her hands. "I don't think that was his intention." She would know, she'd been on the receiving end of lots of Mamoru's presents.

"Please tell me you two aren't defending him," he said, sounding horrified.

"Did you take a good look at him, Motoki-chan?" Rei asked. "Mamoru-san wasn't trying to crash Emi-chan's birthday party. In fact, he was hoping to avoid you two, which is why I sent him here--"

"You told him to come here?" Motoki blared.

"What is this, high school?" the raven-haired one asked. "Motoki-chan, face it. You are going to have to deal with your past from time to time. It's not going to be pleasant, but it can be much, much worse if you keep reacting this way."

"It doesn't matter, Rei-chan," Motoki said, "It's not like I plan on running into him on a regular basis now."

Rei shook her head. "You're not getting it."

"What do you mean?" Usagi asked.

"You're already forgetting who invited Mamoru-san here. Your ex-wife is trying to get to you, trying to find a way to make you appear like an unfit parent, and she's willing to use Mamoru-san as her pawn to accomplish that. All you have to do is lose your cool once, and she can use that against you in court and take sole custody of Emi-chan." (**A/N:** I don't know what the legal system is like in Japan, so I'll be using U.S. standards.)

That silenced Motoki for a good minute or two. He crossed and uncrossed his arms, glaring and then getting this faraway look in his eyes. Eventually he asked, "What do you suggest I do?"

"Nothing, for now," Rei replied. "Just don't be surprised if you start to see Mamoru-san more than you would like." Her eyes flickered to her best friend. "Usagi? Are you all right?"

Usagi wanted to reply, but in her mind she was thinking back to the day she found out Mamoru left his job. Three months had passed since the last time they saw each other, the divorce finalized long before that. She and Kiyoshi were still meeting up once or twice a week, but at that time Kiyoshi made it a point to meet somewhere neutral--so Tokyo General and The Black Rose were out of the picture. Usagi was okay with that, but after those three months, she figured she would be able to handle accidentally running into Mamoru at the hospital. She took it upon herself to surprise Kiyoshi at work. She, of course, was the one in for a surprise.

When she entered the front entrance she immediately noticed how nurses and the other staff were staring at her. She didn't mind, considering the last time she was there she cursed Mizuno Ami out in broad public. But she had this sinking feeling that it was more than that. Said feeling latched onto her stomach and buried itself there when she passed Mamoru's colleague, one that was sporting "Chief Neurosurgeon" next to his nametag.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked as she burst into Kiyoshi's office, not bothering to mask the horror in her voice and in her face.

Kiyoshi immediately understood what she was talking out. He paused, leaning over the work splayed over his desk. "It wouldn't have helped."

She took a seat in front of his desk, shaking her head. "When did he..?"

"About two months ago."

Even with his being straightforward with her she was still in disbelief. "What happened?"

"He just decided to step down. Said he didn't feel like he could live up to his responsibilities anymore. A few weeks later, he left. No one but the board knew about his resignation until the day he packed up and was gone."

She shook her head. "I don't believe this."

"Why not?"

Usagi looked at Kiyoshi, surprised to see that he was completely unsympathetic. "He loved his job. He was at the top."

"Because of you, Usagi," Kiyoshi added. "You told me how you two had been once. How you motivated him to finish med school and work his way to the top."

"Just his residency," she corrected distractedly. "You're saying he left because of me?"

"I'm saying he was successful because of you," he corrected, "but when you walked away, so went the driving force that made him successful. The support he relied on. It's like a comfort zone thing; you feel secure in knowing someone or thing will always be there for you. When that's taken away it's like a big portion of who you are goes missing, too. So no, it's not as simple as "he up and left his job". Chiba lost a lot more than you think."

Usagi contemplated his words. "You're right. Knowing this doesn't help."

And that was the last of it. Kiyoshi didn't bring him up again. Usagi couldn't get herself to open up to Motoki about it since he was going through a separation and pregnancy with Reika. The only one she could talk about Mamoru with was Rei, and Rei was up to her ears with work. So she was forced to let it go, just not talk about it with anyone and let it go.

Moving on had been easy. She never saw him after that. Didn't know what had become of him. For two years she hadn't thought about him, hadn't worried about crossing paths with her ex-husband. Then he was just there, in the same room as Motoki and her, ten times different from how she remembered him.

She looked at Rei and decided not to lie. "No. I'm far from all right."

* * *

It was getting harder to breathe.

Mamoru closed the door behind him and locked it shut so desperately it was like he really was trying to keep something scary out. When the lock was secure, the tenseness in his shoulders lessened and he turned around to face his apartment. The walls were a bright off-white. In other words, bland. It would cost him to paint it, though, and besides, he didn't want to anyway.

The only colors in the apartment were the taupe carpet and black-brown leather couches--all two of them. One was a single and the other a loveseat. Since he'd never had anyone over he didn't feel the need to have a three-seater or a coffee table. His TV, like the other appliances, was white. _'Just like a psych ward.'_

Mamoru snorted at the thought. An asylum was exactly what he'd wanted and needed five years ago. After the divorce and resigning from the hospital, Mamoru went searching for a new place. He thought at first that he should stick around the neighborhood Usagi and he lived in, but seeing all the families and loving couples line the block solidified the decision not to do so. Then he landed a job on the opposite side of the city from Tokyo General, so he wound up looking around for a smaller place in that area.

Downtown, he decided, was too busy, not to mention a little too close to the Black Rose, so he started a couple blocks out and found his current place of residence. Granted, the building was located in a shabbier kind of neighborhood, but when he stepped into the apartment and felt all of the anxiety of the past few months melt away, he knew he had to live there. Maybe because it was so tiny--he had a bedroom, a bathroom that housed a small sink and shower stall, a kitchen half the size of his bedroom, a little area for eating and the living room that barely fit his two leather pieces--but he felt at home. At ease.

Unfortunately said ease was not presently there. He tried to take deep breaths the way his old psychiatrist taught him to, but the extra oxygen wasn't working. He cursed, wondering why he couldn't get rid of his anxiety. Like a reflex, his thoughts pointed directly to Usagi._ 'Of course it's her..'_

She looked so great. So happy. Then he had to ruin her happiness again by showing up at the girl's birthday party. _'Dumbass. I just stood there like an incoherent fool.'_

He wished he could forget how embarrassed he'd felt when he realized Reika had invited him to the party knowing he'd run into them. He should've known that Motoki would've protested him showing his stupid face at their daughter's party. If it weren't for Usagi graciously taking his present he probably would've started hyperventilating on the spot. _'Why can't I ever do the right thing? I should've just stayed away and sent the present via mail. That would have saved everyone a trip down memory lane--'_

The alarm in the cell phone in his pocket went off. Seven o'clock. Mamoru sighed as he turned the alarm off, knowing what he had to do. Going to his bathroom he grabbed the cup by the sink and filled it with water. Then he opened a drawer and took out his pills. He paused for a brief moment, wondering if he should take half or a full dose. Deciding the day's chain of events were more overwhelming than normal he took the full dose and swallowed it down with the water.

Fifteen minutes later, his nose started to bleed. "Dammit," he muttered, going to his bed. He went under the covers and found the roll of toilet paper he left under his pillow the night before. Rolling some into a wad he pressed it against his nostrils and tilted his head back. _'This sucks.'_

_

* * *

_"What the _fuck_ were you thinking, Reika?"

Usagi sucked her breath in at Motoki's unexpected outburst. Everyone left an hour ago, leaving Reika, Motoki and her to clean up. Motoki and Usagi took the backyard and front lawn on while Reika cleaned inside. All that was left were the dishes--which Reika was doing--and their own gifts to the birthday girl. They figured Emi could open those after the guests were gone. The only problem was that the she'd resigned to herself staying in the teahouse in the backyard. And instead of coercing the girl out of there, Motoki had decided to confront Reika about Mamoru.

Reika, whose back was turned to them, said, "I was thinking I could invite whoever the hell I wanted to my daughter's birthday party--"

"Oh, spare me," he interjected. "You invited that bastard over here to spite Usagi-chan and I."

"Way to make everything I do all about you two. Your mind, Motoki.. it's twisted," Reika said, setting the last dish into the washer.

"You're the one who's twisted, you manipulative bitch," he seethed.

Reika dried her hands right before she walked over and rested them on the island counter. Glaring at the both of them, she said, "Manipulative? What did you think asking her"--she nodded at Usagi--"to be Emi's godmother was?"

"Usagi-chan is my friend," Motoki replied. "Apparently I underestimated how close you and Mamoru were--"

Usagi placed a hand on Motoki's arm, causing him to cut that sentence off abruptly. She couldn't stand listening to him trash Mamoru when it was clear he hadn't known Reika was up to no good.

Reika caught that, read Usagi's thoughts on her face. Smirking, she said, "Face it, Motoki, you don't have the upperhand. If you did, Emi would be all yours." She moved to the window and opened it. "Emi!" she called, "Emi, you've still got a few presents left to open."

They didn't hear a response. Motoki took a turn and called for his daughter to no avail.

"Do you want me to get her?" Usagi asked him.

Reika glared at her from her corner by the window but continued to look out at the teahouse. Motoki gave a long-suffering sigh but nodded.

Usagi stood and walked around the house.

Usagi finally found her sitting in the teahouse in the backyard. She opened the door and leaned over. "There's my favorite goddaughter. We've been calling for you. What are you still doing in here?"

The little girl sighed, her elbows propped on her knees and her head propped on her hands. "I'm waiting for my friend."

"Em, all of your friends had to go home. But you'll be able to see them tomorrow."

She shook her head, sending blonde waves every which way. "I don't think I'll ever see him again."

_'Him?'_ Usagi tried to recall which one of Emi's friends were little boys. Even when she did, she couldn't think of a single one that didn't go to her school. "Which boy are you talking about?"

"He wasn't a boy." Emi scrunched her face up as she thought of a description. "He was really, really tall and really, really skinny, and he had big blue eyes."

Usagi had a hunch, but she had to ask to confirm. "Was he taller than me?"

Emi nodded her head.

"Did he have black hair like Rei-chan?"

Emi nodded again. "And he looked sad, even though it was my birthday."

Usagi blinked, in awe of the child's insight. Of all the things Emi remembered about Mamoru, she picked up on that. "You know, I remember him now," she said. "He was sad because he couldn't stay very long, but he did ask me to tell you he was sorry and gave me your present."

Emi brightened up. "Where is it?"

Usagi nodded at the house. "Inside, waiting to get unwrapped."

Emi took off running. When Usagi eventually joined everyone in the kitchen Emi was already tearing the cream parcel open. When the gift was revealed Emi screamed in pure joy. Usagi smiled as Emi took it out of its box. "What it is, Emi?"

She held it up. "It's a princess," she said, waving it around, "Just like you, Usagi-mama."

"I'm no princess, silly," Usagi said, taking a seat next to. She heard Reika snort softly but ignored her.

"But she looks like you," Emi argued, handing the doll to Usagi.

Usagi took it and had to admit that Emi was right. The foot-tall doll had long blonde hair. It was quite peculiar; the hair had been wrapped in odango-like balls that sat on the top of its head, with long pigtails streaming out. What unnerved Usagi was that it had the same cornflower blue eyes as she. _'Did Mamoru realize that when he got this for Emi?'_

She looked up, her eyes connecting with Motoki's for a split second. He was thinking the same thing. She turned her gaze back to the doll. Smoothing its white satin and lace dress, she handed it back to Emi. "It's beautiful."

* * *

**End Part One.**

* * *

( Aww-kward. )


	3. part two

**Title:** I Stay In Love  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating: **T for language  
**Full Description:** Sequel to "Tears Under My Pillow". Five years have passed, and Usagi and Mamoru are getting on with their lives. What happens when they meet again?

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Thank you's to kireisnowtenshi, Kana07, Chichiforever, Heraldo, Anita Bonghit, Unwritten Dreams, SmTwilight, lizsuki (2), SerentiyMoonGodness, Michele, SkylerKnight, rosebudjamie, homicidal glare, Anonymous, svgurl410, neo dreamer, Sakura, raye85, rainbabie, SailorMoonForever, midnight blue08, Princess-Anime, RoyalLovers1418, MoonPrincess568, serenityangelrose, Mercedes Jay, usa, Black RRaven, Mistoflees, Diana Prince, and cam for leaving me reviews! I wasn't able to reply to all of you because I'd been really busy, but you know I appreciate you guys.

I was taking a summer class at the community college, working at both jobs (still), and had two deaths occur last month--a family friend and an uncle. And then Michael, one of my inspirational heroes, passed on. I'm not trying to create a pity-fest, just explaining that writing, though I love it, hasn't been top priority for a few weeks. Yeah. So here's to those who lived full lives and to Michael, who I listened and still listen to when I write.

Special thanks to my new beta reader Rithien, who beta'd the first portion of this chapter (I wrote the rest on a create-as-you-go basis and was so excited to finish that I posted it). Hope she forgives me!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the story.

* * *

"Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end." –_Unknown_

* * *

**Part Two. Bad Weather.**

* * *

_Many years ago_

Mamoru lay in bed in the darkness, staring at the ceiling. He didn't bother to check the clock; it would've told him that after a thirty-six hour shift at the hospital, he'd still been awake for hours. It wasn't because he wasn't tired; he was exhausted.

It was the pain.

Everywhere, it hurt. Like his body had been broken and every nerve was firing in protest. And it went beyond that. It continued in his mind, in the darkness of his dismal thoughts. _'Whoa. Emo, much?'_

He rolled on his side, feeling his chest cave. His stomach rumbled, but he didn't want to move any more, not even to get himself some food. Part of it was because of the pain, the other because he figured eating wouldn't make a difference. So there he lay.

At one point he thought he was going to burst into tears for absolutely no reason. It was awful. Then he did, tear by tear leaking from his eyes, until he was wracking with silent sobs from head to toe.

He hurt so _bad_. No matter what he tried to do, picture something that could make him smile or feel better, something darker inside of him chased any and all help away.

There was something wrong with him, he knew. When he was in his first year everyone had to take a mandatory session about depression developing in medical school. Supposedly, fifty percent of students were at a high risk.

He knew what they said. Keep up with your social life. Make time for your family.

But that was the thing. He didn't really have anybody. His parents had been gone since he was six. His uncle, the only family member left who could take him in, died from a heart attack when he was fifteen. He'd endured a year in foster care--going through three different homes--until he was sixteen and old enough to use his uncle's trust fund to enroll in boarding school, where he was able to stay during the holidays. By his full-time status college years, he was working two jobs to help support himself in areas where scholarships could not.

The only person he could actually call a close friend was Furuhata Motoki. They'd met freshman year of college in an organic chemistry class. Mamoru let him borrow his notes on a day he missed, and that was before they were assigned as lab partners. For some reason, the blonde hadn't given up on him. When Mamoru found out he couldn't afford to pay for dorm rent on top of tuition and books, Motoki took him in. It was the kindest gesture Mamoru'd ever received. The only thing Motoki ever asked of him was to leave the apartment every once in a while with him and hang out. The blonde made him stay connected to civilization, even when Mamoru was determined not to.

After he graduated and got his bachelor degree, he had to move out, closer to his medical school. Luckily, his loans allowed him to do that. The downside was that he was away from his only friend and was swamped with all the things he had to learn in medical school. Studying took precedent over his life, and with the introduction of rotations for his residency, he was doubly busy.

The things he saw in those hospitals, the injuries and the pain.. At times, it made him question if he really knew what he was doing, but most of all it made him question human nature. Why did human beings hurt each other? Why were there so many sick children? Why couldn't anyone find a way to ease their pain?

Those questions fucked with his mind. The fact that no matter how much information he retained from medical school and no matter how advanced medicine and technology got, he would not be able to save everyone. There were things he could fix and some he wouldn't be able to change.

He sat up trying to relieve the chest pain, then laid back down, unsuccessful. That's when the helplessness started to get to him. He started thinking up ways to end things without wasting time. Some ways were better than others, but there was the issue of staying conscious while he was doing it.

He stood in front of the mirror, staring himself down. It wasn't because he needed to drudge up enough courage to do what he was about to do. He couldn't feel much pain on the exterior. It was the interior that felt like it had been exposed to slow-acting acid. No, he was trying to reason with himself, tell himself that he wasn't going to be missed, that he shouldn't be worried about Motoki--

The phone ringing was like a siren call from an ocean away. Finally, it snapped through to him. Should he take it? He looked at his reflection again and pondered. If he ignored it, the ringing would continue. That wasn't the last sound he wanted to hear. Sighing, he grabbed the phone.

"This is Mamoru."

"Hey," Motoki's cheery voice came through. "I'm trying to be patient because I know what a procrastinator you are, but seriously, are you ready yet?"

Obviously, Mamoru was confused. "Um... what are--"

"Come on, man, please tell me you did _not_ forget!" his friend chided. There was a long pause, as if he was waiting for Mamoru to fill in the blank. When he didn't, Motoki heaved a sigh. "Minako's recital at Hoshi University?"

"Oh... I completely forgot." _'Clearly.'_ Mamoru's frown deepened as he tried to come up with a lie. He wasn't very good at that. "I'm not feeling good anyway, Motoki-kun. Do you mind if I take a rain check?"

"Oh no, no, no," Motoki said, about to burst into hysterical laughter, "You promised you would come, and I paid good money for our tickets."

Watching college students dancing around to some new age music all the while wishing he was permanently gone wasn't really his cup of tea. "I know I did, but--"

"I don't take rain checks, sorry. I'm stubborn that way. In fact, I'm already downstairs in the lobby."

"Motoki-kun! You--" Mamoru stopped himself. He wasn't going to go off on his friend just because he was impossible to evade. That's why Motoki was his good friend; he knew Mamoru well enough to know that he'd have to camp out in the lobby of his apartment to get him out of there. He shook his raven-haired head. If he didn't get downstairs, Motoki would barge up there. "Give me a few minutes."

"I'll be generous and give you fifteen."

A quick shower, changing into new clothes, and grabbing his wallet fit into that amount of time. By the door, Mamoru grabbed his keys and glanced around his haven before turning off the light and closing the door. _'So much for a quiet night in.'_

What he didn't know that night was that his life was about to change for the better.

And a little for the worse.

* * *

_Present_

Mamoru trudged on through the lunch hour crowd, jaw clenched so tight he swore it was giving him a headache. He'd been trying to hail a cab for twenty minutes, but every one that passed was already occupied by someone. Such was his luck.

To begin with, he'd forgotten that it was his turn to buy lunch for him and his colleagues. For some reason he'd been convinced that a pharmacy sales rep who was scheduled to visit was supposed to take care of that, but he was wrong. The sales rep arrived two hours before their lunch break. On top of that, he wasn't in attendance since he was the only one who forgot about it.

An hour later his eleven o'clock cancelled, allowing him to leave early. He thought his luck had turned around as it was the perfect opportunity to grab food. Only then did he remember he'd walked to work that morning, so he had no other choice but to walk to a restaurant. Reprimanding himself for having screwed himself over that badly, he stuffed his wallet into his pocket and left.

It had been sprinkling earlier that morning, but by the time he started out again, rain was pouring out of the sky. In seconds he was completely doused. Cold. Gray.

When he came to the first familiar restaurant in sight, his legs kept moving. They wouldn't allow him to stop. Within minutes he passed another restaurant his colleagues and he frequented. He kept walking. Nothing stood out, nothing appealing.

Time didn't even seem to pass as he wandered. All he saw and felt was the rain. Finally, when he came out of his daze, he realized he was in the middle of downtown. He checked the time. He'd been walking around aimlessly for an hour and a half.

Quickly, he went to the nearest restaurant. The hostess gave him a stuffy look at his soaked appearance, but when Mamoru said he just wanted to place an order to-go, she was more accommodating. In fifteen minutes he was out of there.

Now that he had his head on straight, he knew he should've placed an order for delivery. Trying to find a cab before the food got cold turned out to be a bitch. So was carrying said food. The bags were heavy, weighing down on him, making the walk feel even worse. But he wasn't going to just stand on the corner of the street, waving at each taxi as it passed by. No. He got himself into that situation and he was going to have to bear the consequence of walking all the way back.

* * *

_'Come on, come on. I just have to turn right.'_

Usagi turned some of the heat from the defrost setting into the rest of her car and shivered. It was freezing out there. The rain had turned a somewhat humid day to a very bleak one. Each raindrop came down with such surprising force she thought it might start hailing. She lifted her foot from the brake to move a few more inches until she couldn't see the street under the tires on the car in front of her. Patient, that was her.

She'd been in the office when she got a phone call saying her order for new menus were set at the copier's, so she let Makoto know where she was going and took off. Getting to the place wasn't the hard part. Lugging the boxes of menus to her backseat in the rain was.

Guess she caught lunch traffic as the topping of the cake of her day. She pulled up two more inches and sighed. It could be worse, she realized as she looked out at the street. There were so many people out there, hustling to try and get out of the rain as fast as they could. Some were handling the cooler weather better than others. Usagi momentarily worried about Emi, hoping Reika didn't forget to arm her own daughter with a poncho, umbrella, and rain boots, then she scoffed.

That woman didn't think of anybody but herself. Usagi remembered when, a few days after returning home from the hospital, Reika left the week-old Emi in the house unattended so she could start her morning jog routine. She was determined to get her pre-baby body back and figured Emi would be fine inside and alone for forty or so minutes. It never crossed her mind to ask the neighbors for help or to call Motoki and ask him come earlier for his visit. Usagi snorted. That woman's pride overflowed to the point where she couldn't bear to ask Motoki for any favors regarding their daughter.

Things only got worse as the years progressed. Reika would hold out on buying necessities like diapers, food, and blankets, expecting Motoki to pay for everything. She would make Usagi and him meet her in gas stations, outside of banks, inconvenient spots and make them wait long periods of time to pick Emi up. And she was always late picking Emi up, usually because she was too busy with her never-ending cycle of boyfriends.

At first, Motoki was just as pissed off as Usagi was. After all, Reika was acting irresponsibly, as if she didn't have a child depending on her for survival. But because of that tiny piece of him that hoped Reika was the good person he once believed she was, he didn't record or report any of the incidents. Eventually, Motoki realized the best thing he could do for Emi was include Usagi in every aspect of her life. Usagi took to motherhood like Reika did not. She took care of Emi's colds, temper tantrums and little bedtime secrets with Motoki. Although it was initially awkward to show up at Reika's house, Usagi was willing to deal with the wretched bitch for that little girl.

Honestly, seeing and holding Emi for the first time was the closest Usagi had been to falling in love again.

The driver in the car behind her honked his horn, bringing her back to the present. Apparently, she was so deep into her thoughts that she didn't realize the cars in front of her were moving up. She caught up to them and readjusted her rearview mirror, trying to see if the guy behind her was still pissed off. He was. In fact he was staring her down in her own mirror. Sighing, she shifted her gaze elsewhere.

In the middle of sidewalk, a figure caught her eye.

Tall, dark, and brooding. At least he looked like he was brooding, but she couldn't tell since his back was turned toward her. His slight hunch could also have been from the fact that he was armed with to-go bags from a restaurant she'd passed a while back.

A couple passed by him, and the woman indiscreetly gave him a(n? sounds weird though) onceover, but Usagi didn't see him turn his head in the slightest. _'Add modestly handsome to the list.'_

A gust of wind blasted through the crowd, temporarily throwing everyone on the street into disarray. The man backed away, avoiding umbrellas. It was then that she noticed. She wasn't really paying attention to his clothes or how they fit, but once the wind had picked up, his pants had started flapping in the wind, beating against an unusually wiry body. Usagi blinked, thinking maybe she just couldn't see because of the rain, but when he stumbled back from an extra forceful gust, she only saw skin and bones.

He must've dropped something, because in one swift motion he spun around. Usagi took in the soaked raven hair and the shuttered midnight blue eyes. "Mamoru?" she actually asked aloud.

As quickly as she'd registered that it was her ex-husband she was staring down on the street, he was gone. He quickly resurfaced, but before she could successfully flip the automatic window on the passenger's side down, he disappeared again.

She almost missed him completely, but when he took a few more steps she caught sight of his thin figure trying to work around the crowd.

"Mamoru!"

Surprised, Mamoru flung back, almost dropping a bag and knocking into a passerby at the same time. The passerby cursed him and moved on, leaving him to rebalance the bags on his arm. It was then that he realized his name _had_ been called and yes, it had been by Usagi. She was staring at him in her car a few feet away, through the passenger side window. He blinked once before feeling heat spread through his cheeks. Right then, he was glad he didn't have an umbrella as the cold rain battled to tame his blushing. _'You've got to be kidding me.'_

Usagi didn't know what had come over Mamoru. As soon as he spotted her he just froze like a deer in headlights. For a second it felt like he didn't see her, or like he was seeing through her, and then he took a step closer.

Usagi frowned. Where was his umbrella? Rain splattered in his face, but it was like he didn't notice. More, he didn't have a jacket on. _'He's soaked to the bone! Is he insane?'_ "Are you insane?"

_'Come on, come on. Speak this time.' _"No," he said, his voice sounding strange to his own ears, "It was my turn to grab lunch for my colleagues."

"At this rate, lunch is going to be cold and runny," she noted. Without thinking about it she flipped the car lock switch. "Get in, I'll take you back."

She saw him hesitate and look down at his bags, his bony fingers wrapped around the handles. How long had he been out there, walking in the downpour? And yet, he wanted to turn her down? As he looked down she noticed the puffy bags under his eyes. They were dark and swollen. _'Like he hasn't slept in days.'_ She decided then that she would have to convince him to get in her car. "It'll be a lot easier than trying to grab a cab, I promise."

Mamoru wanted to say no. He wanted to think of a way to politely turn her away. But she'd taken all his excuses into consideration and he couldn't think of anything to protest with. Cars started to honk behind her, but she didn't seem to care, just waited patiently for his answer. _'God, she probably isn't going to drive off even if I say no.'_ Feeling the pressure from the traffic block he was causing, he opened the door and got in.

Usagi was sure he was going to find a way to say no, but he surprised her by silently climbing into her car. "Where to?"

"Tokyo Medical Clinic. It's eight blocks over, on the left side." Mamoru sank into the seat, wincing at the thought that his rain-soaked presence was ruining the fabric. He couldn't help but ruin something of Usagi's every time he came across her. _'I cannot believe this fucking day could get any worse.'_

"You work there?" Usagi asked before she could hide her surprise. She'd heard of the clinic. It was definitely not as reputable as Tokyo General.

He nodded, seeming not to notice. "Yeah. For four and a half years now."

"Are you the only neurologist there?"

"No. There's one other neurologist, two clinical psychiatrists and four family doctors."

She raised an eyebrow. "Sounds busy." _'And crowded.'_

"It is, but we've got really good people on staff."

She paused, feeling strange talking about his work. When they were married, she wanted to know everything about it, who he worked with, how many patients he dealt with. _'Guess some things never change.' _She cleared her throat, trying to change the topic. Reverting back to why he was sitting in her car in the first place, she asked, "So, um.. why didn't you drive?"

_'Just lie.' _"Since I live pretty close to work I usually just walk. Today a patient called in and rescheduled his appointment so I had some time to.." Mamoru clamped his mouth shut. _'What the hell am I doing? Why am I rambling so much? I never ramble.'_ Aside from when he was thinking to himself. He barely spoke to anyone but his co-workers and patients. Now, he suddenly had so much to say to Usagi?

He instantly felt awful. Usagi was asking out of courtesy, not interest. He didn't know why he had to bore her to death with the details of his even more boring life.

Usagi glanced at him when he abruptly stopped talking. He kept his eyes trained on his hands. Momentarily those haunting blue orbs flickered toward her then scuttled away when he realized she was watching him. Then, he concentrated his gaze on the traffic in front of them.

If she didn't know better she'd have thought he was just trying to avoid small talk. But she did know better, so she knew he was pulling back because he thought he was talking too much. Or rather, telling her too much.

When she looked into his face, really looked.. Never mind that he looked leaner in his clothes, she could tell he was damn near emaciated just by glancing at his hollow cheekbones and sunken eyes. What was going on? Sure, at Emi's birthday party she noticed that his clothes were loose on him, but this.. it was excessive.

Mamoru kept his eyes out on the streets, hoping he'd see the building soon. He didn't know how long he could stand--sit, actually--feeling this awkward around his ex-wife. He kept trying not to remember their last conversation when he dropped off the signed divorce papers. Even then, all he seemed to do was make her cry. _'I am a _bastard_. Why am I making her drive me to work? It's my fault I had to walk anyway. If I hadn't been such a fucking idiot I'd have been able to drive myself.'_

Strangely enough, the name-calling and self-deprecation helped ground him. Maybe because he felt like he was thinking all the things Usagi probably wanted to say. It calmed him a bit to predict what hatred was going through Usagi's mind. At least if she did choose to say those things aloud, he would be prepared to take it. He wouldn't be caught off guard like the last time, when he didn't see her ring and she dropped the divorce announcement on him.

Usagi was trying to think of things to say and coming up with nothing. Which was completely ridiculous, because at one point in their marriage she'd had more than enough to say to the man who broke her heart. Maybe that was the problem; the Mamoru sitting listlessly next to her was nothing like the one who'd lied to her face and cheated when her back was turned. That Mamoru had been selfish, inconsiderate, and sneaky. He was the one that came home late at night, smelling like other women, and wanting to hold her as he fell asleep. After half a decade, she half-expected him to still be the same. Thankfully, he wasn't.

She wore the same perfume she did when they were married, the kind he gave her on their first anniversary. The heat from the panel vents was wafting the scent over to him. Memories.. He was about to ask Usagi if she still danced, but he shut himself down. What Usagi did and didn't do was no longer a privilege for him to know. Ashamed that he'd let something as small as her scent get to him, he balled his hand into a fist and continued to sit in silence. _'Just be grateful she's doing this for you without making it more difficult.'_

All too soon Usagi was pulling up to the building. She hadn't been able to come up with a better topic. She took a mental note of the address and the place before turning to Mamoru. "Do you need help with those?"

"No," he replied a little too quickly. When he realized she noticed, he put on a half-decent smile. _'Geez, do I want her to know how miserable this has been?'_ "No, thanks. I'll manage."

"Here," she said, leaning over and extending her arm.

Mamoru panicked, reeling back until his back hit the door. What was she doing? Was she going to slap him?

Usagi was utterly surprised--and stunned--by Mamoru's slow but reflexive move. He looked so.. worried, as though he was expecting her to hit him. _'No, that can't be it..'_ Maybe he thought she was going to touch him? She remembered, at Emi's birthday party, that he'd avoided any contact with her. Grabbing some to-go menus from her backseat--the reason she'd reached over in the first place--she offered them to Mamoru, making sure her fingers were safely on one side. Hesitantly, he took them. "They're our new menus," she explained when he glanced at them. "We do delivery now."

"Oh," he simply said. He looked the menu at the top of the stack over, really showing his appreciation for her success with the Black Rose. It made something inside her tingle to see a change in his face. He was relieved that she was doing okay. Of course, he didn't even know that she knew that, but she was able to read it in his eyes.

"Next time, you should grab lunch at the Black Rose. I'll throw an entrée in on the house." He looked at her with surprise, then his eyes hooded over. The smile disappeared. She frowned. _'Or not.'_

"You don't have to do that." _'That would require you having to deal with me again.' _And he'd already seen her twice in two weeks. He wouldn't wish more ex-husband exposure on her than that.

"I know," she argued, and he heard the sincerity in her voice. "I want to."

He nodded, not wanting to come off as ungrateful by protesting further. "Thank you," he said softly. "I appreciate you going out of your way." _'Just more proof that she has been and will always be the better person. I could never be as selfless as her.' _Suddenly there wasn't enough space in the car for him. He needed to get out, and soon.

"No problem," she responded, watching him become wearier by the second. How was he going to last the rest of the day, as tired as he looked? And he was supposed to walk home after work? "Are you going to be okay getting home later?"

He was already nodding his head before she finished asking that question. "Yeah. Thanks again," he said quickly and rushed out of the car so fast the to-go bags almost didn't make it past the door.

As he walked away, began breathing cold, fresh air, he realized he'd just survived being in a car with Usagi. No fighting. No slapping.

_'I hope that never happens again.'_

* * *

**End Part Two.**

* * *

( Sad face. )


	4. part three

**Title:** I Stay In Love  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating: **T for language  
**Full Description:** Sequel to "Tears Under My Pillow". Five years have passed, and Usagi and Mamoru are getting on with their lives. What happens when they meet again?

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Thank you's to MoonPrincess568, Black RRaven, midnight blue08, Loving Love, Princess-Anime, raye85, Kana07, Unwritten Dreams, ffgirlmoonie, MerryMary05, rosebudjamie, Diana Prince, kireisnowtenshi, S dot Serenity, SerentiyMoonGodness, rainbabie, Jingy5, RoyalLovers1418, Mistoflees, MAddy, Here'sToTheNight, antoniafic, Heraldo, Moonlight Usagi-chan, Anita Bonghit, and Dertupio for leaving feedback. Love.

I made a HUGE MISTAKE! in the last chapter, guys. You may or may not have been able to spot it, but I went back to Tears Under My Pillow to confirm this; Motoki and Mamoru had been roommates in college. I rewrote the last chapter, explaining that they were roommates during Mamoru's pursuit of a bachelor's, but that Mamoru had to move out when he moved on to med school. Hope that makes sense!

So both my beta reader, Rithien, and I are exhausted with things we're doing. I'm moving out and getting a new car, so I haven't been writing as much (if it's not school, it's something else.. ugh). This is all I've gotten so far, but I figured I'd post it. Hope you like.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the story.

* * *

"Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end." –_Unknown_

* * *

**Part Three. In Time.**

* * *

Rei followed the narrowly paved trail, her heels clicking after every step. Yuuichirou trailed two steps back, holding their son. The raven-haired boy was wrapped in two blankets upon his father's request. Who would've known that shaggy-haired, rough-around-the-edges Yuuichirou would be an excessive pamperer?

She smiled at what they must've looked like behind her, but felt strange doing so in the middle of a cemetery. She glanced down at the assortment of flowers in her leather-clad hands. They'd been previously arranged by Usagi because she couldn't come out that day. Business had picked up even more since she introduced the delivery option to her customers. That day was especially crazy. The Black Rose had been hit with catering order after catering order, and right when Usagi thought she could sneak out for a few hours, the former Commissioner-General came in with his entire immediate family and dozens of friends to celebrate his recent retirement. Oh, the woes of having her own business.

By the time Rei came to visit her at the restaurant, Usagi was in shambles, trying to hide in the office to sneak in some tears. Seeing her like that forced the raven-haired woman to assess the situation. Her best friend couldn't get the time to visit her father on the anniversary of his death, so Rei volunteered to go in her stead.

It was quite the gloomy night. The sun hadn't been out all day due to threatening clouds. The sky transitioning from gray to midnight was the only indication that the sun left. Also, it rained the day before, leaving a strange fog that only seemed fitting right then. Rei had to depend on the trail to maintain her bearings. She knew that once they passed a relatively large headstone they would have to leave the trail.

As if on cue, Yuuichirou asked, "How far away are we?"

"A little further," she said, trying to see through the fog.

After two more minutes of walking, she found what she was looking for. She almost walked right past the landmark headstone, but luckily, she was able to spot the tip of it before trekking on. They went off the main trail for about twenty feet when Rei saw someone up ahead. Apparently there were others who paid their respects at night.

As she neared, she realized the stranger was standing in front of Tsukino Kenji's gravestone. With pale skin and black clothes, he looked like a ghost. His morose stance, shoulders slumped and bent head told a more realistic story. He set a full bouquet of daffodils in front of the stone before placing a hand on it. He began to speak, but she couldn't hear what he was saying. It was like he was whispering a grave--mind the pun--secret.

It was only when he turned and practically reeled back in surprise that she realized she'd stopped midstep and registered that the ghost was Mamoru.

He had the same deer-in-the-headlights face she'd seen at Emi's birthday party. Every emotion was a giveaway; guilt, regret, and a haunting sadness that made her want to feel sad, too.

"Sorry," he murmured, shifting weight he didn't have uncomfortably.

She had to tear her eyes away from his skeletal figure to find her voice. "No, we're sorry. We didn't know anyone was going to be here."

His eyes flickered over to Yuuichirou and Jomei. "Same here. I.." He looked down and Rei saw deep purplish bags protruding above his cheeks. "I come at night because.."

Because he figured Usagi would've come to visit in the morning, or at least by noon. She switched glances with Yuuichirou. Sure enough, he was thinking the same thing.

Rei remembered when she'd driven up to his and Usagi's old house to drop off their divorce papers. He answered the door looking ragged, awful. She'd felt vindicated knowing that he was taking the separation badly. She remembered telling him how Usagi had been like, harboring the knowledge of his "secret" infidelity for months, and that he was only beginning to feel the pain she'd been going through. She was pretty sure she called him an amoral bastard, too.

As he stood there, guiltily admitting to visiting his ex-wife's deceased father without her knowledge and looking like a bulimic drug addict, Rei couldn't help but feel the strange sensation of regret. "She wasn't able to make it. That's why we're here."

He took the news with relief, but was still alarmed. "I'd better go. It was nice to see you two--three."

He passed them, then looked left and right. He paused for a good eight seconds before deciding to go left, back to the trail. Slowly he walked, until his presence had been swallowed completely by the fog.

Rei turned to Yuuichirou, wanting to say something but not finding the words. Before she could say anything, he spoke. "He's not over her."

* * *

Mamoru got into his cab, feeling like slamming his head against the window. _'Stupid, stupid! I should've known this was going to happen.'_ He'd gone to lay flowers on Tsukino Kenji's grave on the day he died every year since the divorce. The first time, he was nervous that Usagi would be there when he arrived. In the past she always went in the morning, though, so he waited until about six at night to go. He would buy a fresh bouquet of daffodils, get a cab, take a shortcut through the cemetery, lay the flowers on his gravesite, and say, "I'm getting better." That became his pattern, and it would've stayed that way had he not just run into Rei and Yuuichirou.

It was ruined. He could picture Rei going to Usagi and telling her he had the audacity to visit her father on such an important date. Usagi, filled with disgust, would track him down--she knew where he worked now--and tell him off in front of all of his co-workers. They would find out exactly what kind of person he was, and then he'd have to leave the clinic. Probably would have to move out, too, and pray he found a place where no one had ever heard of him.

_'Was it worth it, Stupid? Was it worth losing everything you had left?'_

* * *

Usagi had just sat down in her desk chair when Rei blasted through the office door. "Rei-chan," she greeted, noting her best friend's jeans and lounge hoodie combo. _'She must've gone home after visiting Papa before she came here.'_ She silently offered the seat on the opposite side of the desk.

Rei closed the door behind her and walked to the chair. Before Usagi could ask how the visit was, she said, "We need to talk."

Usagi nodded, taking a sip of her green tea. "Sure. What is it?"

"Yuuichirou and I ran into Mamoru-san at the cemetery."

The tea scalded her throat going down. Whatever Usagi was expecting Rei to bring up, the topic of her ex-husband wasn't anything close. "Really? Why was he there?"

"He laid daffodils on your father's grave."

Rei let Usagi process that a moment. A moment she found she really needed. Mamoru, visiting her father? And giving him daffodils? (** A/N:** If you don't understand the daffodil hype, it's okay. Just google it. I had to. )

When Usagi and Mamoru first started dating, Kenji didn't hide his disapproval. He kept telling Usagi, "There's something off about that man. I don't know what it is, but I don't like it." She'd dismissed it as the paternal need to protect his only child, but when she announced that she and Mamoru were engaged, he still couldn't put his opinions aside to support them. Mamoru tried his best to be civil; her father didn't make that very easy.

When he died, Mamoru was there. He supported her. He helped her make the funeral plans and sell Kenji's house. He even made sure the will was taken care of. But not once did he accompany her to her father's grave.

"That's.." she trailed, struggling for words, "That was kind of him."

Rei stared at her for a while. "Usagi, there's something off with Mamoru-san."

Usagi was mentally taken aback. Rei sounded like her father. Except that the way she said it and the look in her eyes were too sincere. Too sympathetic. Rei threw a hand up in her lawyer-esque manner. "I wrote it off as embarassment at Emi-chan's birthday party, but tonight, he looked.."

Usagi knew where she was going. It wasn't a challenge to fill in that blank. "Starved? Tired?" she guessed.

Her friend nodded, looking relieved that Usagi'd noticed, too. "Yes. Exactly."

Usagi looked down at her hands, folded neatly on her lap. "I know. I saw him a few weeks ago."

"Really? When?"

Usagi spent the next few minutes telling Rei about the day in the rain. She took a particularly long time to describe Mamoru's bony body and worn down face. And when it came to his aversion to her, she said, "he wouldn't look me in the eye, Rei-chan."

The raven-haired woman's brow was furrowed. "Do you think he's nervous around you?"

Usagi shrugged. "Maybe.. maybe he's just feeling guilty?"

"I'm not saying he shouldn't feel that way," Rei began, "but don't you think he'd be over it by now?"

Usagi had mixed feelings. It was kind of nice to know that after all he put her through, he still felt guilty about sleeping around with three other women. Usagi had been in silent pain for months, and the shortlived aftermath of their marriage didn't seem like justice enough. But this was _way_ extreme. She wouldn't forget how he recoiled when she wanted to give him the new menus. Scared. Shocked. Wary. He feared her doing something awful to him--slapping him, maybe?--but expected it at the same time.

She had to be realistic. Not that she'd ever forget what happened, but the pain had lessened over the years. She was practically over it by Emi's party. It wasn't like she'd been hung up on him the entire time, either. She'd had her fair share of dating; she'd even been through the motions with Motoki, but that never worked out. Wrong timing.

Eventually, she said, "I got over it, slowly but surely. It wasn't by any means easy, but I've managed."

"I don't think Mamoru-san has." Rei shrugged, and a new expression Usagi had never seen formed on her best friend's face. "I don't know.. Maybe my instincts about him were off."

Usagi shook her head. "I don't know what you mean."

"When you found out he was cheating on you and told me, I was so, _so_ mad. I was mad at him for doing that to you, I was mad because it wasn't a one-time mistake. He seemed so selfish, like he didn't have an ounce of remorse for the hell he was putting you through. I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to feel ten times worse than how you felt." Rei paused, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "But really, I didn't expect him to hurt this bad."

* * *

_"I hate you, Mamoru-san!"_

_'No.'_

_"A stalker doctor, a bisexual musician trying to get pregnant, and that fucking bitch Reika? __You wasted almost a decade of my life! You ruined my youth! I could have been married to someone who loved me, cherished me, and who was faithful to me! I trusted you, and you let me down!"_

_'I'm sorry.'_

_"Your apologies don't mean a fucking thing! You're only saying sorry now because you lost me! Well, guess what? I wish I'd never married you!"_

_'Please. Don't. Don't say that.'_

_"I wish I'd never even met you!"_

_'I love you, Usako.'_

_"I wish you'd killed yourself when you had the chance.."_

Mamoru bolted up and grabbed his bed sheet right before the vomit spewed from his mouth. He heaved and heaved until he was shaking and still, his stomach kept roiling. He wiped his mouth with the bed sheet, trying to erase the taste of acid, and wiped the sweat from his eyes.

When his stomach started to calm down he began to remember. He was in a dark, empty room. No lights, no sound. Only a pair of cornflower blue eyes and a beautiful, angry face. The only woman he ever loved. She wished he never existed.

Tears sprang, but he bit down and held them back. _'A nightmare. Just a nightmare.'_

Then why did it feel so real?

* * *

**End Part Three.**

* * *

(

It hurts to say words are not enough  
They've lost their meaning  
We tried but we've said too much  
We've spoken without feeling  
You're tempted to make us make sense  
Your eyes closed in memory  
Even past our worst's and best's  
No answers calm our misery  
My heart aches to see you this way  
Finding a place to soften your fall  
Why can't I say it will be okay?  
Why can't I say anything at all?

--aquaxeyes

)


	5. part four

**Title:** I Stay In Love  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating: **T for language  
**Full Description:** Sequel to "Tears Under My Pillow". Five years have passed, and Usagi and Mamoru are getting on with their lives. What happens when they meet again?

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Thank you's to SerentiyMoonGodness, Henna Ryans, ISana55, EvaC, Unwritten Dreams, SailorMoonForever, raye85, MoonPrincess568, sarrangxox, S dot Serenity, kireisnowtenshi, homicidalglare, midnight blue08, rainbabie, Diana Prince, rosebudjamie, Merrymary05, anna, Anony, IceQueenBarbarien, Jacks, Dertupio, Jingy5, icecreamy, Mistoflees, unknown, lunadea21, .xCuriousx., Haze, anon, ddd, venus, Illuminatilair, animefreak03, v1cky84, Light'by'day, iluvboys, QuicksilverWitch, Incomplete Melody, killua, and Lian for leaving feedback. Love.

My beta reader, Rithien, is super busy. Meaning I didn't bug her to proof this before publishing it, mistakes and all. So if this is a crappy chapter, it's my fault haha!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the story.

* * *

"Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end." –_Unknown_

* * *

**Part Four. It Shows.**

* * *

Usagi exhaled deeply, looking up at the building she was standing in front of. Tokyo Medical Clinic. Mamoru's place of work. Little electric pulses rippled up and down her body, and she had to take another deep breath.

It had been eight days since she'd given Mamoru a lift to the clinic. Two days since Rei told her he paid his respects to her father when she couldn't. She'd been thinking about that when she answered the phone at the Black Rose less than an hour ago. "Hello and thank you for calling the Black Rose. How may I help you?"

"Hello," a man on the other line greeted. "I would like to place a group order for delivery."

"Okay, sir," she said distractedly, "May I have the address for the delivery?"

"Tokyo Medical Clinic. That's--"

"Sir," she interrupted, perking up, "that's all right. I know where that is."

He didn't seem to be surprised. "Oh? Good."

She glanced at the phone. "I've got your number on our caller ID, but may I also have the contact name?"

"Tomoe Souichi."

"Okay, Tomoe-san, go ahead with your list."

He went on to place his order. She was quick to ring the dishes up--the higher demand forced her to switch to touch-screen computer registers a few years back--but paused right toward the end. It was strange that of all the entrées the man ordered, none fit what Mamoru used to get. Then again, she couldn't have expected him to stick to one dish after all those years, right?

She gave him his total and the approximate time it would take for them to prepare the dishes and deliver them. What she didn't tell him was that she went back to the kitchen and had Makoto make two extra appetizer dishes and Mamoru's favorite entrée. So what if his tastes changed? He could take the meal home and eat that for dinner. Heavens knew he needed to eat more anyway.

When everything was packed and stacked into her car, she took off. That's what led her to that moment, standing in front of the clinic with one-third of the order in her arms. She knew and didn't know why she was hesitating right in front of the entrance. Mamoru. She was going to see Mamoru again. Questions raced through her mind. _'Will he be shocked to see me? Will he be happy I'm there? Will he be able to stop and talk to me?'_ It was like she was frozen in place, scared to go in and find out for herself.

Figuring the food was going to get cold if she waited outside all day, she took a calming breath and walked in.

The woman sitting at the reception desk had hair so long and dark that it almost looked like it was tinted with green. Her name tag read "Meiou". She looked up at Usagi and smiled calmly. "Hello, may I help you?"

"Yes," Usagi answered, raising the bags on her arms. "I'm delivering an order to a Tomoe-san."

Just then, the side door opened, revealing a man with silver hair and wide-rimmed glasses. He had a long, white coat over his slacks and a plaid button-up shirt. "Hi there," he greeted, "I'm Tomoe Souichi."

_'Ahh, so he _is_ a doctor.' _"Tsukino Usagi, sir," she said, offering him a smile.

He glance at the bags she was carrying. "Here, let me help you with that." Without further ado, he took half of the load and motioned for her to follow him. "The lounge is right back here."

"This is only part of the order," she pointed out as she walked behind him, trying to look out for Mamoru. "The rest of it's in my car."

"You parked right outside by the entrance?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, scanning faces. No familiars.

They reached the lounge and took a quick second to set the bags down before turning around. Like before, Usagi didn't spot him anywhere. _'Maybe I should ask this doctor..' _She shrugged that suggestion off. Dr. Tomoe was one of a handful of doctors at the clinic. Mamoru might not know him very well; or maybe he did and they didn't like each other at all.

It wasn't until they stepped outside the entrance and Souichi saw her car that he stopped and spoke again. "Tsukino sounded familiar. You're the owner, right?"

She nodded. "Yes." The next part spilled out so fast she couldn't believe she said it. "Pardon me for asking, but is Mamoru here?"

He lifted a brow at the informal use of his name. "You know him?"

"I'm his wife.. ex-wife," she corrected, shaking her head at her mistake.

"Ex-wife?" Dr. Tomoe's eyeballs could've popped right out of his head, he was so surprised. Then he laughed. And laughed. "Wow. Didn't peg Chiba for the marrying type."

Usagi was taken aback. "What do you mean?" Mamoru wasn't the "marrying type" anymore? The laugh could've meant two things; either he didn't like Mamoru or he thought Mamoru was a player. Negative thoughts raided Usagi's mind. Did he date lots of women? Did he struggle to commit to one relationship? Maybe Mamoru hadn't changed. Maybe he was stringing multiple women along like he'd done in their marriage. Hell, maybe he gave up on pretending to care about anything but sex and paid for it.

"Well," Dr. Tomoe said, scratching the back of his head, "Chiba never mentioned being married in the past. And he's never talked about women, relationships, that kind of thing. Come to think of it, he hasn't gone out on a date in the five years he's been working here. Made me wonder about him, you know, not having a social life. Guess he's just too dedicated to his work right now."

Halfway into his answer Usagi had begun to feel guilty. By the end of it she felt incredibly guilty. Who was she to judge Mamoru on how he lived his life? And according to his co-worker, Mamoru didn't have one. She mentally reprimanded herself for assuming the worst about her ex-husband before knowing the facts. She handed some of the bags in her car off to him and grabbed the remaining load before asking, "Did he already leave for the day?"

The man took one long assessing look at her before responding. "He didn't come in. He took a sick day."

"God," Usagi gasped, "It's not serious, is it?"

"No," he said, waving her worry off. They simultaneously began to walk back into the clinic. "Chiba said it was a twenty-four hour bug. He gets those every other month it seems."

"That's not serious?" she asked, her lagging thoughts causing her to struggle to keep up.

"He always comes back to work the next day," came the answer. "Don't worry, I usually check him out before he starts up again."

They made it to the lounge. Usagi helped him unpack everything in awkward silence, not knowing if she was overstepping her boundaries in asking about Mamoru. So she was surprised when Souichi asked, "So what happened, if you don't mind me asking? You fell out of love?"

"No," she blurted, then realized how that must've sounded. "It's, uh.. it's.."

"Personal," he finished. "I get it."

For a moment Usagi wondered at how wise he sounded. A second later, he perked up and said, "So how much do I owe you?"

* * *

"Good morning, Doctor Chiba."

Mamoru paused and gave the pleasant secretary an equally pleasant smile. "Hello, Setsuna-san. How are you today?"

"Very good, thank you," she replied. "Doctor Tomoe is waiting for you in his office."

Giving her a small smirk, he said, "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Hope you're feeling better."

_'Me, too.'_ He stopped by his office to drop his things off and commenced looking for his colleague. He found him prepping a room. Already. Mamoru rolled his eyes. Whenever he came back to work after a sick day, Souichi made sure to personally check his health. There was no saying he was fine, no taking him for his word. Souichi was a strong silent type, but when he wanted something done he did it without a word; and he always wanted to see for himself that Mamoru was okay.

It was annoying but truth be told, Souichi was probably the only person he could call a friend.

Souichi noted him at the door and asked, "Ready?"

Wordlessly, he nodded, sure that the smile on his co-worker's face was a response to the scowl on his. He closed the door behind him and took a seat. It was hard to concentrate on the present when his mind kept running back to the nightmare he had two nights ago. He'd been so perturbed that he couldn't go back to sleep and wound up throwing up until sunrise. So he called work, asked Setsuna to reschedule his appointments, and laid in bed the rest of the day.

The entire time he felt guilty. His patients had to rearrange their schedules so often because he was always sick and still they came back to him. They didn't deserve to be treated that way. _'I can't help but fail at work, too.' _Irritated with himself, he glared at the inflated cuff around his arm and looked up at Souichi. "Is this really necessary?"

"Shh," Souichi said distractedly, "you'll ruin the reading."

He bit down, forcing himself to relax. If the fair-haired man caught anything awry with his health Mamoru would be sent home.

Souichi finished the blood pressure reading and made Mamoru stand up and get on a scale, because "I always forget to do that part" (** A/N:** Nurses usually take the standard vitals but since Tomoe takes it upon himself to take care of Mamoru, he's doing it. Plus, he's on to Mamoru.. about his health, I mean ). When he was finished he wrote in Mamoru's file and said, "You should eat more."

Mamoru sighed. _'I would try if anything could stay down.' _"Something wrong?"

He shrugged. "You just lost two pounds since last month's checkup."

_'Whoa, two whole pounds..' _"I've been sick," Mamoru reminded him.

"Even so, your BMI's borderline underweight, Chiba."

"19.1 is not bad--"

"18.8," Souichi corrected.

"Suggestion noted," Mamoru grumbled, trying not to argue. If he were to dwell on something--say his rapidly declining body mass index--it would bring more attention to something he didn't want to discuss.

Souichi seemed satisfied with that answer and continued on. After a few minutes, he said, "Okay, everything else checks out."

"Good," he said, practically jumping to his feet. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, and started to finish his notes. Mamoru made it to the door before Souichi added, "Oh, and Chiba? Thank your ex-wife for the food yesterday."

Mamoru stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. "What are you talking about?"

His friend didn't even stop writing as he explained. "Those to-go menus you left in the lounge the other week? Setsuna-san convinced us to try it out. Didn't expect the owner--much less your ex--to drop it off personally."

Mamoru swallowed the giant lump in his throat before it could choke him. Usagi? She was in the office? His body battled between feeling tense and relieved. Yeah, he was damn sure glad he wasn't in the office when she was, but why would she drop a to-go order herself? Why not send one of her delivery guys? More disturbing was that Souichi knew Usagi was his ex. _'What the hell did she tell him?'_

"Relax," Souichi said after reading his face, "She didn't say a single awful thing about you. I meant what I said, though. Next time you get the chance, thank her for giving us all the excess free food. And get some yourself, there are extras in the lounge fridge."

Mamoru went back to his office and sat there, stumped. Why did Usagi do all that? What, was she using that as an excuse to go over there and yell at him? Tell everybody about his unprofessional relationship with another doctor at his previous job?

He shook his head. _'What the hell am I thinking?'_ Usagi didn't scheme. If anything, she was just proving once again that she was a better person.

Still, that didn't make him feel better, especially when he recalled his nightmare.

_'I wish you'd killed yourself when you had the chance..'_

He looked at his schedule. He could be done by six. He just hoped that when he got the Black Rose later Usagi would be long gone so that he could end this.. thing that was happening, once and for all.

* * *

Usagi smiled as she set the last dish down in front of Kiyoshi. "Let me know if that doesn't work out for you."

He shrugged, but the brunette under his arm gave him a nudge. "It won't taste as good since I didn't make it."

Kiyoshi shrugged again. "It's not what you usually make for me."

Usagi rolled her eyes. Makoto was just teasing. Even Rei could tell.

It was one of those nights. Rei and Yuuichirou were able to find a babysitter, and Makoto and Kiyoshi were both magically off from work. Usagi found a private booth for them with dimmed lighting. The restaurant was half-filled with a quiet crowd, the smell of fine cooking filled the air, and soft jazz filled the room. Usagi sighed. It was a perfect random date night. Which was good for her guests, but not so self-fulfilling. She sighed, trying to focus on her friends' conversation.

"If it weren't for my making your meals, we would never have met," Makoto pointed out.

Usagi had to agree. After a years of trying to convince Kiyoshi to detached himself from work and visit the Black Rose, she gave up and decided to bring the food to him. Once he had a taste of Makoto's most famous dish, he was hooked. And a few weeks later, he told Usagi he had to meet the woman who could cook such a delicious meal in person to thank her. She arranged for them to meet a week later. It was love at first sight, and they'd been dating for two solid years.

"I can tell I'm not going to win this," Kiyoshi grumbled.

"Wise thing to realize," Makoto agreed.

The five shared a brief laugh before a waitress interrupted. "Tsukino-san?"

Usagi turned to her employee. "Yes?"

"The plumber's here to check on that leak by the sanitation sink."

"Oh.." she said, turning to the reception and register area. Nobody was covering, and then she remembered that that employee who was supposed to be on the cash register was having car problems and couldn't make it out for his shift. She bit her lip. _'What to do?' _She hated to do it, but she turned to her friends. "Yuuichirou-chan, can you--"

"I'll keep an eye on the floor," he said, giving her an understanding smile.

She flashed one back. "Thanks."

Everyone waited for her to leave before resuming conversation.

"How is she doing.. really?" Kiyoshi asked.

Rei, Yuuichirou and Makoto switched collective glances. "Lonely," Yuuichirou finally said.

Makoto nodded. "She hasn't been in a relationship since Motoki-san."

"Oh, yeah," Kiyoshi said, recalling that fact. "Why didn't that work out again?"

Makoto shrugged. "Who knows? Too weird for them, maybe."

Rei shook her head. "Despite everything, maybe it was because of Mamoru-san."

Kiyoshi made a face. "Now that's a name I haven't heard in a while."

"We saw him a few days ago," Yuuichirou announced.

Makoto just about knocked her wine glass over. "You're kidding! Where?"

Yuuichirou glanced at Rei. She didn't seem like she wanted to explain, so he filled Makoto and Kiyoshi in on both the run-in at the cemetery and Emi's birthday party. "Wow," Makoto said once he was finished. "He turned out that bad?"

Rei nodded. "I wasn't expecting that. I don't think Usagi was, either."

Kiyoshi, who had been quiet the entire time finally said, "I don't know who to feel more sorry for, Usagi or Chiba."

"A few years ago, I would have known," Rei said. "But things are different now. In hindsight, I regret writing Mamoru-san off so quickly."

"But," Makoto began to argue, confused, "he cheated on Usagi-chan."

"That may be true, but he still loves her."

Everyone turned to Yuuichirou. He continued on as if the shift in attention didn't bother him at all. "No man would visit the grave of his ex-wife's father after a divorce like theirs, especially if he and the father-in-law didn't get along. And after all these years, he should've been able to get over Usagi-chan. He obviously hasn't, and neither has sh--"

Yuuichirou stopped midsentence once a figure at the register caught his attention. All eyes trailed in that direction. Makoto murmured, "I don't believe it.."

( **A/N:** Forewarning: lots of POV collision. )

Mamoru turned and angled himself in a way that kept him facing the register, but from his peripheral view he knew that it was Rei, Yuuichirou, Makoto and Kiyoshi sitting at that table. He knew they spotted him, which made his face turn all sorts of flustered pink. _'Breathe. You're going to end this. Just breathe.' _He just came to pay the food off, and hopefully, he would never run into Usagi again.

As luck would have it, Yuuichirou came around to the other side of the counter. "Chiba-san," he said in greeting. "What can I do for you?"

Mamoru almost bolted, but his thoughts kept him grounded. Remembering what he rehearsed on the way to the restaurant, he spoke. "Two days ago, my colleague placed a big delivery order but Usagi accidentally dropped off too many dishes. I just wanted to pay the difference."

The brunette contemplated the situation. "Oh. Well.. Usagi-chan's back in the office. I can run back and let her know--"

"There's no need to bother her," Mamoru blurted. Too fast, according to Yuuichirou's arched eyebrow. _'Whoa, Chiba. Talk slower. You'll be out of here soon enough.'_ He shrugged with feigned nonchalance. "It's just two extra entrées and an appetizer."

Yuuichirou paused once he saw Makoto round the cash register, making sure she avoided eye contact with Mamoru. The raven-haired man didn't notice anyway, too busy worrying about avoiding Usagi. Makoto mouthed the word "stall" to him and disappeared into the back.

Yuuichirou's eyes went back to Mamoru. Stall? No problem. "Okay, let me just find your co-worker's ticket." He took his time scrolling back on the register's touch screen until he came across the record. "Found it--hmm, looks like I can't fix this."

Makoto dashed all the way to the sinks and had to grab onto a rinsing hose to stop herself from colliding into Usagi. "Usagi-chan--"

She almost didn't register her as the plumber handed her something on a clipboard. "Not now, Mako-chan--"

"Mamoru-san's here."

Mamoru's face fell at Yuuichirou's news. "Oh. Why not?"

Yuuichirou took a deep breath. "I need Usagi-chan's manager passcode. See, when she rang your colleague's order up, she rang the extras as a one hundred percent off discount. In order for me to change that I need to reopen the check, override the discount, and then ring you up. But I can't even reopen the check without Usagi-chan's passcode."

Mamoru wilted. "Can't you ring me up for the same extras and just charge me?" _'Can't you make this easier for me?'_

"Hmm, I never thought of it that way." Yuuichirou took his time contemplating that option. Finally, he said, "I guess that could work."

"Is he ordering something?" Usagi said, quickly signing the paper on the clipboard.

"No, I think I heard him say something about you undercharging his co-worker the other day--"

Usagi practically threw the clipboard back at the plumber, distractedly thanking him for the quick fix, and excused herself.

Mamoru went through the motions of telling him what was ordered. Yuuichirou read off his total, and Mamoru, grabbing his wallet, found and passed him his credit card.

Yuuichirou looked at him like he was crazy. "I can't take your credit card."

_'Are you kidding me?'_ "Why not?" he asked, letting a small measure of his impatience into his voice.

"Because then Usagi-chan would know I let you pay for the extras."

Mamoru sighed. "Oh." _'You could've told me that while you were watching me dig into my wallet for my card.'_ He dug into his pocket and offered a few bills. "This should cover it, plus a tip."

"Mamoru?"

All the muscles in his back locked up. For a second, he thought that maybe if he didn't turn around she just wouldn't be there. When he saw Yuuichirou's head angle away from him, he knew he had to turn around.

Usagi watched him hesitantly acknowledge her before timidly saying "Hi". Even though Makoto explained, she had to ask. "What are you doing here?"

Mamoru shrugged. "Just, you know.." _'Can't process words.'_

Yuuichirou jumped in. "According to Chiba-san, you forgot to charge Tomoe-san for two entrées and an appetizer."

Usagi didn't take her eyes off of Mamoru. He looked so gaunt! The jacket he wore over his clothes looked baggy, wearing him down. And he was so pale. _'What's happening to you?'_

_'As always, you look beautiful.' _Mamoru suddenly felt very cold. He shouldn't have chanced coming to the restaurant. He should've sent a damn letter with the money in it or something. Instead, he thought he could easily resolve Usagi's mistake. Now all he could think about was what she must've thought of him. The look on her face told him. She was astounded that he dared to show his face at her restaurant after he was caught visiting her father's grave. He felt.. ashamed.

"Are you hungry, Mamoru-san?" Makoto asked, trying to break the ice. "You can join us if you want. We--"

Without saying a word, Mamoru whirled around and left the restaurant.

Makoto looked at her blonde friend. "Usagi-chan, I was just trying to--"

Usagi took off and headed to the parking lot. Since the day she fell down the parking lot stairs she tried to avoid parking in that area. She would rather have continued to do so, but seeing a thin figure making his way over there had her running without hesitation. "Mamoru!" she called. "Mamoru, wait!"

He didn't want to listen to her--which, he was convinced, was for her own good--but soon he found himself slowing down and letting her catch up. Before she could talk first, he began to talk. "I'm really sorry about showing up at your father's.. I don't know what I was thinking--"

"No, no, I'm glad you were there," she said, not expecting him to bring that up. "If anything, I should say thank you."

Mamoru reeled in disbelief. She was thanking him? Was she being sarcastic? "You didn't have to run all the way over to do that." _'Or force us to face each other again.'_

"I wanted to," she said, smiling. _'Believe me.'_

She was being courteous. Even now, she was letting him save face. He realized the appropriate thing was to accept it gracefully. Mamoru locked eyes with her. "Thanks."

For some reason, Usagi didn't want to leave the night like this. She'd been worried about Mamoru ever since Souichi told her he was sick. He looked so tired. Her heartbeat started to pick up, just like the day she dropped the food off at the clinic, as she asked, "Did you wanna.. I don't know, get some coffee or something?"

"Well.. actually, I've got to get going. Got an early morning tomorrow, you know?" Mamoru immediately felt guilty as he saw disappointment cross Usagi's face. He felt even guiltier using work as an excuse to avoid her, but he really didn't feel like he could handle a coffee trip that consisted of more than thirty solid sentences with her. But she looked so downcast.. Without much thought, he blurted, "Maybe some other time."

That made her brighten. "Yeah. Sure."

* * *

Mamoru frowned as he reviewed a patient's CAT scan. He thought, when it arrived, that he would receive good news. Instead, he had to be the bearer of bad news. _'So much for benign--'_

His phone rang, knocking him out of his downward thoughts. He answered with a serious, "Hello."

"Mamoru.."

Mamoru set the CAT scan down on his desk. "Reika?" He had no idea how she got his work phone number, or why she was calling. "What--"

"I need you."

* * *

**End Part Four.**

* * *

( La de da. )


	6. part five

**Title:** I Stay In Love  
**Author:** aquaxeyes  
**Rating: **T for language  
**Full Description:** Sequel to "Tears Under My Pillow". Five years have passed, and Usagi and Mamoru are getting on with their lives. What happens when they meet again?

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Thank you's to Heraldo, Unwritten Dreams, rosebudjamie, EvaC, midnight blue08, raye85, acie913, Jianna, coastiewife465, Kana07, kireisnowtenshi, SmTwilight, Henna Ryans, SerentiyMoonGodness, endymionstar, S dot Serenity, SilverMyst, MoonPrincess568, Jingy5, hatami, rainbabie, killua, goddessofanime2003, Incomplete Melody, ShroudedMist, venus_goddess and Ceralyn for leaving feedback. You're inspiring. Love.

Again, I didn't have my beta reader, Rithien, look this over, because I wanted to send this out as my little present to everyone! Hope you are all having a great holiday; enjoy the chapter!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the story.

* * *

"Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end." –_Unknown_

* * *

**Part Five. Failing Intentions.**

* * *

Mamoru quietly listened to Reika's dilemma and remained silent moments after she was done. He wasn't entirely sure what was going on. "So you want me to pick Emi-chan up from her bus drop off in fifteen minutes?"

"Yes. It's too far of a walking distance for Emi. Normally I would be able to meet her at the stop, but this meeting I just snuck out of is going on longer than I anticipated. I don't know how much longer my boss is going to ramble."

This was where Mamoru was stumped. "Why not try her father?"

Reika went straight into defense mode. "I don't want to ask Motoki for help! Do you know how that would make me look? Like the irresponsible parent, Mamoru! You don't know what it's been like, all these years being ganged up on and treated like shit by both of them. As soon as Motoki found out we were having a girl he let your ex-wife pick a name. He thinks Usagi's some sort of saint and Emi.. she thinks Usagi is her second mother!"

"So.." he trailed, trying to figure out what she was trying to say, "You're jealous of Usagi?"

There was an impregnable pause. "You fucking bastard."

Mamoru thought about what he just said a colored a little. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out that way."

Something slammed in the background. "You know what? Fine. I'll pick her up. I'm sure she'll still be standing there at the bus stop--"

"No, no," Mamoru said before he could stop himself. "I can go and get her."

"Forget it," she spat. "I can do it. She's my daughter after all. I just thought that in a moment of weakness I could call you for help."

"Reika," he said, not understanding the guilt waving up inside him, "I said I'll do it."

There was a long, long pause. "You sure?"

"Yes," he said. "Where did you say the bus stop was?"

Once he got off the phone with her he began to pack up. He was almost out the door when his phone rang. He hesitated, not wanting to answer, but did anyway. "Hello?"

"Hello, Chiba-san. This is Naru from Doctor Grey's office."

"Hi--oh, no." Mamoru shook his head, not wanting to believe what the phone call meant.

"Yes," the woman said, confirming his need for concern, "I'm afraid your appointment was today."

He returned to his desk and dug out his planner. "10:15?" he asked as he flipped pages.

"11:35," she corrected.

"Oh, great." He really wanted to smack himself. This was the third time he forgot. "I'm sorry. I forgot to ask our receptionist to schedule around that time--"

"Not a problem, Chiba-san. We have an opening for next Tuesday, again at 11:35. Does that work for you?"

He flipped the page to the next week in his planner. "Yes, it does. I'll write that down." As he was scribbling, he figured he wasn't going to remember still. The best thing to do was ask for a reminder postcard. "Naru-san, could you--"

"Already filling one out," she replied smoothly. "See you next Tuesday."

* * *

Mamoru parked in front of Reika's house, got out and started speed walking west. The entire time, he kept kicking himself inside. _'What the hell am I doing?'_ Emi was Motoki's kid; Reika should have contacted _him_. Mamoru could understand where she was coming from, but he felt uneasy nonetheless. Especially since he ditched the little girl at her birthday party. Would she remember him? Would she remember that he bailed? Was she as incapable of forgiveness as her father?

He rounded the corner and stopped abruptly. Emi stood a few feet away from the corner, silent and content. As he neared her, she turned her head and gazed up at him. Recognition shone in her eyes.

"Hello," he said. _'Please don't hate me, too.'_

She didn't reply, just enveloped his legs in a hug. "I thought I would never see you again," she said once she pulled away.

"Well," he said, trying to find the proper words to say, "your mom was running late, so she asked me to make sure you got home safely."

Her eyes turned inquisitive. "Did you want to see me?"

"Yes," he said, giving her a reassuring smile. "I did."

He finally saw the doll he'd bought for her birthday in her hand. She looked at it, too. "This is my favorite doll," she announced. "Thank you for giving her to me."

"You're welcome," he replied. He took her backpack and nodded in the direction that would lead them back to Reika's house. "Shall we?"

Emi smiled and nodded, and without warning she grabbed his free hand and started to lead the way. She talked a lot, about her friends at school and her teacher. "She's very, very nice and smiles a lot," she said, "Like Usagi-mama."

Mamoru tried not to let the name affect him. "That's good."

"I like Usagi-mama's smile," Emi said. "Do you?"

He tried not to wince. _'Wonderful.' _Usagi seemed to be front and center of all things happening as of late. Then again, what did he expect? Usagi was a part of Emi's life. He couldn't have been able to only concentrate on that little, beautiful girl who didn't judge him, who didn't see him like the main people in her life did. He couldn't have been able to simply savor the smallest amount of contact, a human touch, that had become alien to him. In his case, good things came at a price. Trying to keep his tone light, he said, "Can't think of anyone who wouldn't."

When they reached the house, Mamoru turned to Emi. "You have a key, right?"

She shook her head. "I'm not old enough yet," she said as if it was a univerally known fact.

Great. _'Is anything about this favor supposed to be easy?' _On cue, a car turned into the driveway. Mamoru squinted, trying to identify the driver. Once he registered who it was, he had to check again. Sure enough, it was Motoki stepping out of the car and walking to the front door. Angrily.

His stomach churned. _'What.. is going on?' _Why was Motoki there? Wasn't he supposed to be at work? He felt like a frozen target, each step of Motoki's an inevitable death procession. Which didn't seem that far from the truth, since the blonde was tearing him to shreds with his eyes.

"Papa!" Emi exclaimed. She was only too happy to see him to notice how pissed he was.

Wordlessly Motoki grabbed her arm, pulling her out of Mamoru's hold, and unlocked the door with his set of keys. "Go inside and get ready for dinner," he ordered.

The girl was hurt, confused. "Papa?"

"Now, Emi."

The girl did as she was told. Mamoru watched her go up the stairs like a fading oasis. His eyes went to Motoki. The blonde looked disgusted. So disgusted that he couldn't speak for a few moments. And when he did, it was with absolute hatred. "Don't you fucking come near my daughter again," he spat.

Mamoru let out a breath, glad that Motoki wasn't trying to take a swing at him--in a physical sense anyway. "I'm sorry. Reika--"

Right at that moment a car slid to a stop by the curb in front of Reika's house. Mamoru saw Reika, who was in the front passenger's seat, lean over and thoroughly kiss the driver before slowly getting out of the car. His eyes flickered to Motoki, who hadn't even moved to check if that was his ex-wife getting out of some stranger's vehicle.

"She what? Set you up?" Motoki snatched Emi's backpack from Mamoru's hands. "Go to hell, you moron." With that, he stomped into the house and slammed the door.

Mamoru stood there, kind of stunned, until Reika approached him. "Thanks for dealing with--"

"Don't, Reika," Mamoru seethed.

"Don't what?"

Her hair was slightly disheveled and her lipstick was rubbed around her mouth. His blood boiled. "Use me to get to Motoki."

Her eyes glittered, but she held her ground. "I'm not quite sure how you'd assume that."

Mamoru ignored her. "Think of your daughter," he said, passing her, "I'm not the only one being thrown in the middle of your campaign against Motoki."

She was unrepentent. "Trust me when I say I'm thinking only of her."

"Trust me," he said. "You're not."

Motoki wasn't far enough from the open window beside the front door to miss the exchange between Reika and Mamoru. Clearly, Mamoru had gotten to her. She was struggling not to slam the door after she came inside.

Despite the confusion Motoki gave her a smug look. "So much for him taking your side."

* * *

Mamoru shifted uncomfortably under the woman's scrutiny. He'd just finished telling her about his recent encounters with Usagi; how he'd had more contact with her in a few weeks after not seeing or hearing from her in five years. He also mentioned what happened with Reika, Emi and Motoki right before the weekend started. She let him talk and when he was finished, she simply stared at him. He didn't know exactly what she was thinking, but he could figure where her thoughts were going. Usagi. He wanted to tell her it wasn't his fault. He didn't intend on seeing Usagi there or anywhere else. He was invited to a birthday party, and everything spiraled after that.

"Mamoru-san," she said finally, "You look conflicted."

He nodded. "I am. I wasn't prepared for any of this to happen."

"That's usually how life goes," she mused. "How do you feel about seeing your ex-wife so much?"

_'Just say it.' _"I don't like it, but I do." He wish he could explain it, but he couldn't.

"Do you still feel guilt when you see her?"

He probably shouldn't have admitted it, but he did by nodding. He'd been seeing Elsa right around the time the divorce was finalized. Needless to say, he didn't want to start lying to her now. "She's just trying to be nice.. and help me." _'Just like she did when she first met me.'_

She raised her eyebrow as if she'd heard that thought. "Isn't that counterproductive to your goal? To be able to help yourself?"

Mamoru looked away. "Usagi's Usagi. Her need to help others is essential to who she is. That's out of my control."

"Is it?" she asked.

He wished she would stop with the questions; he knew that was her job, but it was a cop out way of getting him to spill his guts or lead him to draw his own conclusions without having to actually tell him. "So seeing Usagi is the issue."

"You don't think so?" she asked.

_'Ugh.. Fucking psychiatrists.' _"I think that's what you think," he answered, on the defensive.

She paused, knowing she was pushing it. "I have to say, I was starting to get worried when you cancelled three sessions in a row. That's a quarter of the year taken from your therapy. And I can tell you haven't been taking your medication." There was no use in denying it. She'd seen him through almost every emotional stage. One quick glance and she could see straight to his soul. It was a move she used even now, right before saying, "I'm going to prescribe Demolox, full doses daily."

"You're kidding," he said in disbelief. That prescription was for severe depression, with a wide range of side effects. He tried all sorts of medication, but he wound up not liking how they made him feel. There were times when he would just take half the recommended dose so he wouldn't feel so out of control. Demolox could only be worse.

"You're nowhere near progressing at this point, Mamoru-san. You're lucky I'm not considering more serious options."

Psychiatric hospitalization? _'Hell no.'_ "There's no way I'm going there over a stupid knee-jerk reaction to Usagi," he spat.

She leaned forward from her perch. "Well then do us both a favor and try to keep your distance from Usagi. We've accomplished so much. I don't want you to slip back into that void." The self-abuse. Hating himself and hating what he'd done to the people he cared about. When he first met Elsa he was on the verge of seriously hurting himself. She contemplated hospitalization then, too. Only his strong protests kept her from sending him to the crazy house.

Back then, he saw her every other week. It took four sessions for her to get through to him; two more to get him to open up a little. A few more sessions later, he was able to talk about Usagi, his infidelity and the end of their marriage. Elsa understood him enough to understand that his sanity had been closely tied with Usagi being in his life. He used her as a lifesaver, a way to stay afloat and keep his head above water. When she walked out of his life, the water overwhelmed him, got to his lungs. He was drowning without her.

"Okay," he agreed, "okay." _'You don't have to tell me twice.' _The less of Usagi he saw, the better.

* * *

Little tingles ran down Usagi's spine as she entered Tokyo Medical Clinic. She called in earlier and spoke with Souichi, who told her Mamoru would be done with work by six. That gave her enough time to dress up a little, put some makeup on, and drive over. It was a random, irrational thing to do, but she was going to ask him to come out with her for dinner.

That thought put her in a good mood until she walked into the waiting room and saw the last person she'd ever expect to see sitting there. Kaiou Michiru.

Both the aqua-haired woman and the blonde sitting next to her looked up. The blonde looked familiar, but she couldn't quite place her. Not wanting to think about it, she walked over to the receptionist. "Hi, is Chiba Mamoru still here?"

"Yes he is, miss," the green-haired woman said with a smile. "He's with a patient right now, but I can let him know you're here to see him."

"No, that's okay," Usagi replied. "I can wait."

Her feet turned into blocks of concrete as she took a seat. She did _not_ want to be in the same room as the woman who slept with her ex-husband. What was she doing there anyway? Was she there to see Mamoru? Was Mamoru okay with that? Usagi wanted to fume, but she knew better. Souichi said Mamoru wasn't with anyone, and she believed him. There's no way Mamoru would actually--

"We have a daughter," a voice came out of nowhere and said.

Usagi looked across the room, her eyes meeting aqua ones.

Michiru shifted, holding on to her companion's hand like a lifeline. "We adopted a little girl two years ago. We all thought she was healthy, until she started weakening and blacking out all the time--"

"Why are you telling me this?" Usagi burst, irritated.

Michiru looked at her as if the truth should've been obvious. "Because he can't."

Usagi blinked twice before understanding what she meant. Doctor-patient confidentiality. If she were to confront Mamoru about why Michiru was there to see him, he wouldn't be able to tell her. That's when the entire picture hit her. A little girl had some sort of neurological disorder. Michiru must have been panicked, desperate, trying to figure out what was wrong. Mamoru was good at what he did. He would've found out. Which meant he was giving her the treatment she needed. Ignoring the part of her that was begging her to be cruel, Usagi asked, "Is she going to be okay?"

Just then, the door next to the receptionist window opened, and out came Mamoru, holding a frail girl's hand. It was strange. She had dark hair like his, a similar body frame, and intelligent eyes that resembled his serious ones. If she hadn't looked about ten years old, Usagi could've sworn the girl was his child.

Michiru and her lover stood up, and the little girl ran into the blonde's arms. Usagi watched Michiru look at Mamoru with hope, but when she glanced at her ex-husband she recognized that face. There was no hope to give. He handed Michiru a slip of paper. "It should help with the seizures," he murmured.

The partner, who caught on to the nonverbal exchange added, "For now."

Mamoru nodded. "If she starts to slip again.."

This time, Michiru nodded. "We'll call," she finished for him. "Thank you."

After they left Usagi waited for the dust to settle. When Mamoru stopped processing his thoughts, he blinked and his eyes traveled the room and landed on her.

Mamoru had been so focused on trying to detach himself from what happened with Hotaru, Michiru's little girl, that he didn't notice he wasn't alone in the room for a while. Then, like a lighthouse in the midst of a fog, there she was.

"Usagi," he said, not bothering to conceal his surprise. "W-What are you doing here?" He had no idea what she could be doing at the clinic when she looked as beautiful as she did.

She smiled, making him flush a little. "I was wondering if I could cash in that rain check. Mako-chan says there's this little place two districts over that's got food that rivals hers. And get this, the competition of such astute culinary skills is a blind old woman who can cut the thinnest slices of sashimi you've ever seen."

Her excitement was almost contagious. Mamoru smiled weakly, wanting so badly to say yes, he'd go check out a blind cook who could slice sashimi with Usagi, but he kept remembering what he and his psychiatrist discussed the other day. Usagi was part of the problem. His dependence on her had fueled his depression and eventually led to his mental breakdown. He didn't want to go through that again, didn't want to feed into that hope that she still cared about him. It might have saved him once, but it was still a mistake.

Usagi saw Mamoru's face fall behind his small smile and knew he wasn't going for her offer. "Let me guess. You can't."

That fake smile stayed on his face as he nodded. "It's just that I've got some patient files waiting for me at home--"

"What is with you?" she blurted.

The smile finally disappeared as confusion took over his face. "I don't know what you're--"

"Save it, Mamoru," she said, not knowing why she was so angry and why she couldn't stop being so ruthless. "I'm making an effort to stay in contact with you, and you're acting coy. It this some sort of game to you?"

He shook his head with adamant force. "No!"

"Then what? You want me to chase after you," she guessed, crossing her arms.

Shock completely took over his face. "No," he said softly, "It's just.."

"What? What could be so wrong with grabbing some food with me?"

_'Nothing. Nothing is wrong with grabbing food with you.' _He wished he could've said that but he knew better. So he spent a few seconds trying to come up with a decent answer. "I don't think spending time with each other is a good idea."

"That's the first honest answer you've given me since this conversation started."

He paused. _'Is she fucking accusing me of lying to her?'_ His hand clenched and unclenched, signifying the short length of time it took for his anger to build and then dissipate. _'Can I blame her?'_

Usagi bit back the urge to take the comment back. It was hard, especially when she was looking into his eyes. Eyes that begged her to stop punishing him. Eyes that were sunken on a pale, thin face. "Fine," she said in a frustrated voice, more at herself for snapping at him than at him for saying no, "Sorry I wasted your time."

Mamoru was ready to watch her walk out of that office, but after eight steps he couldn't restrain himself. "Usagi?"

She turned around.

"I.. I am kind of hungry," he finally said. _'It's just food. A couple hours, tops.'_

Expressionless, even though she wanted to smile, she nodded. "Okay."

* * *

**End Part Five.**

* * *

( Mixed feelings. )


End file.
